I can catch the moon in my hand...

13/5/2012

If you ever know, that your end is near..What will you do? Would you be brave enough to accept it and spend the time preciously or just wasted it? Maybe when you know you gonna be xxxx soon, you have wishes that you wanna fulfil..

How many full moon can i see, how many "tomorrow" i have left? ha

My retribution for all the sins i have done has come...

Didn't expect this coming but well just smile and accept the fact i suppose, this is what it's when you have nothing left and feel empty being in this world.... I deserve it

Just had to pass all my knowledge to my sister while i still can... She's gonna surpass me one day.. What i couldn't do, just hope she could accomplish her studies or etc when i couldn't see anymore..

I'm prepared... Make it all worth it & perfect for the last time..

Last Tuesday, went to Johor.. First time being there after my entire life.. What a epic guy i am.. Had a great time exploring around the area.. Although i think it will be the last but at least left a great memories behind..

1st May Regretful day

Few days ago gotten my NS letter.. Finally it came.. 2 month freedom left for me.... Anyway, having freedom now or not doesn't made any different to me still no life..

Wanted to study in BMC but the problem is the school fees... I can't afford at all, way to ex.. Life couldn't get any better.... Money made the world goes round, now it's all about money that matters to me once again.... 不同人不同命, 真的好希望家里富有 can like other people chase what they want...  For once i really wanted to study that course...

Did something today that made myself regret for life... An act due to my silliness, what is it i won't say a secret... Once is enough is not going to do it twice... Maybe this sin could overwrite my guilty towards....

2 years down the road, what will i become? I wonder...

Those year

Yesterday watched "那些年，我们一起追的女孩" movie on my phone.. The story line it like a reality to me... Some of the scenes it's like what i do in the past.. It's really a good & touching movie, totally worth to watch.

I have something i had fight hard in the past, in secondary time i study hard because i wanted to get close to certain person to surpass her... She encourage me, help me and a false hope which i'm was naive at that time... That was silly part of me..

She have lots of suitors in my class from the past and a top student in fact... She helped me with my studies despite i'm a lazy person and a illbrat at that time...

Surprised that my past emotions have transformed into a profound friendship and ever calmness in my hearts now whenever i meet up with her..

Really i'm gladful & thankful to her for the motivation she had given me to get through my N's..

After a few years another person came into my life (sxxxxe) Still... I'm being wilful, didn't cherish what i had & everything became an end... I become a stepping stone for her to find a better love....

That was the ugly truth about me...

I was wrong, when you really really love a person when she have somebody to love her, somebody to dote her you will give her you blessing from the bottom of your heart.. Forever live in bliss

1 more month to go and my contract with Fiore will be ended... What shall i do next?

Working in Marina Bay Link..

Today went to Marina Bay Link to work... First time working in the high class environment, no "aunties" or weirdo around here.. I like here, peaceful and quiet..

Seeing the office people walked past me i felt envious I really wish i could be like 1 of them... Earning more than 2k can buy whatever thing they want, eat high class stuffs like your daily meal..

I always wanted to study admin or working in the office... But i never get the chance to do it... Wasted 4 years straight on 2 courses that i totally had no interest in it.... 1 of the course i have successfully graduated but another 1 halfway through i given up....

I still wanna study but could i ever get into the course that i want with this kind of useless certificate i'm having now?

Last Wednesday night, went out with Nacy for dinner & movie... Around midnight went to Clark Quay pub district see see... I'm like kind of outdated guy.. It's the first time going pub district? although i have been in night club once but well that's different...

Somehow i like that place, even wanted to stay and drink.... Seeing the people there, I think i've been influence by them... Curiosity i suppose or maybe i just wanna waste myself ..

Had been emo for the past few days for no reason... Just dunno what to do... Really feel empty inside... "Dunno what the purpose of my life" that's the thought on my mind....

I could get over all of them that i have fallen for in the past but why I just couldn't get over her? Just because she are the first & only person who made me feel that way "love"... At times it's really torturing...

Wanted to buy a MacBook Pro, somehow hesitating... My salary now is so little till that i can't even afford to buy things... Really too low, this is not enough...

Just hope i could get a better job next time...

Will i ever reach to the top...

Agony Birthday..

Finally 21 years old, not really that happy.. I suppose it was just another day ba... Everyone is having a blast when they celebrate their 21st but mine "different" in a pathetic way hahahaha...

Having lots of people wishing is a good thing but the truth is having the love 1 celebrating with you is the best thing you ever wish you had... But that was just a fantasy now...

But well seriously it's a long journey although i felt that time pass really fast.. Growing in a poor & violent family till now having "somehow" stable finances "myself"... Everything have to depend myself since young.. I'm not like other family, their parent buy them what they, give them whatever they need, cares about their own child.. Mine is totally the opposite, surviving the rough path all by myself alone..

Went astray when i get something i wanted.. Take things for granted, being headstrong & stubborn... When it's too late, i become desperately do all kind of stuffs to salvage when its impossible.. Thinking back of how i desperately wants her back and do many kind of senseless stuffs in the past... It's really pathetic...

How insensible can i be...

I'm really a transparent... Group conversation with Charlene & April yesterday and i was ignore by April like i wasn't in the conversation... she just happily talk to Charlene what crap...

It's happen to me every time.. Every single time when i was in a group chat & i'm transparent when i talk all ignore like i didn't exist at all..

The same applies to text message on phone, i'm always getting no reply from everyone when i text someone... No one wanna talk to me that why... Forever alone, that's my fate...

That's not gonna change, it always be the same.. I can't choose..

Even as we grow up, mind & thinking become mature.. But our heart & feelings still lingering around.

Some of us already moved on, some of them still hold on to the memories that all is left..

Some change bad to worst.. Some trying to change for good.. But still you can't decide your own fate & choose what you want..

I had 2 birthday wish... 1st: I really wish that i could still talk to her and as "friend" will do.. but i know it's impossible...

2nd: I hope after tonight, i won't think of her again.. Because every time i think of her, I'm filled with agony.. It's over.. It's all over...

I'm already contented if she will just talk to me..

15 April

Yesterday went to celebrate my early 21st at Marina Square.. Everything goes out of the plan... Bitches & fucker last minutes say cannot come & didn't inform me at all and i still have to ask them.. Bitches that say will come in the end playing prank with me like "Izzati" tell me she go volunteer marathon at sentosa instead of coming.. What worst was I get scolded for the sick of fun by "Michelle" when she break the promise & went out with her friend then when i say her, she scold me till become my fault and she's right? Arrogant people... Wtf this type of people... Now i see how the fuck some of the people really treat me.. Bloody bitches

Only 4 people going... Went to Bugis Sake Sushi for dinner.. At least should be happy that able to catch up with friends that didn't meet up for 3 years & secondary old buddy i suppose..

Today's 15 April.. Exactly 1 year since i have been feeling miserable from that day.. I bought upon it myself couldn't blame anyone... But memories don't lie, everything that have been through... I would still be contacting her now if i never done so much senseless things at that time.. I wish..

Everything's Ruined

Feeling frustrated & down... 5 people last minute tell me could not take off from work on that day... 3 people couldn't make it due to whatever reason... 1 MIA.. Total 9 people gone... The feeling "depress" is there when 1 by 1 done the same thing...

Starting a few of them say could not go already is still ok, but more more people doing the same thing really made me feel annoy...

At first tell you "ok i will go" but when the day is near come out of this shit... Every single year birthday celebration always have this type fucking problem z.. Seriously If you don't really wanna go then don't promise people...

I really dunno what to do anymore.... Even now 21st also the same thing, forever nothing goes well....

if you really treat someone as friend you would die die make yourselves free on that day & attend isn't? That what i see people is doing but mine different joke. The only reason to explain is...

Really don't feel like continuing...

I suppose don't ever treat anyone good is the best thing after seeing a few fucktards people using me or how they treat me... Nothing's good will return..

April

Time flies fast, Its already April...

Next week gonna be the day, somehow i'm looking forward to that day.. But disappointed that 3 people 2 days ago told me could not make it on that day... Why every single time have this type of problem i hate it.... Just hope no more people last minute backing out ba...

Really should say some people that i know, i'm really glad to have met them... Even after so long didn't keep in touch they are still treating me like "friend" unlike some of the people i know keep using me as a entertainment for themselves... People that i really respect or treat them as friend but in the end they just treat me the other way round....  Screw it... Dunno how to describe but ya...

Being back stabbed in my work is enough and yet there's still this type of people in my life... No time to entertain those joker anymore...

Nowadays seeing lots of ppl at the age of 16 giving birth... Even people that I know is having kids already.. I suppose that is common nowadays... If.....

I should set myself free from the ghost of the past.. But just how..

I just wanna mess around for the last time...

Better in time

Roadshow finally ended on last Sunday... Bored till the max.. Just pray i wouldn't get call to go again..

Feel damn lazy nowadays, don't even feel like doing anything at all...

Seriously i hate China people but "not all"... Most of them are freaking rude and attitude to you... I have bump into few like this..

Felt that i really living my life aimlessly... All i have now is work work work when off, i felt empty.. No goals at all...

Somehow really don't feel like celebrating 21st anymore, the 3 people that i wish that would come most but well.. 2 of them just way too disappoint me.. And 1 of them is that person... Expected that she wouldn't come I'm just trying luck only. No way she would come since she hate and don't even wanna speak to me..

已經回不去了. Hate me, dislike me if that's what makes you feels good. I'm sorry.. I know i'm pathetic..

I'm a destroyer, i ruin every single thing & always made people dislike me... That's what i am and i will always keep that in mind.

Gonna be straight forward now... No more dillydally..

Seriously I don't know why but I'm starting to have a feeling that I'm disliking u more and more. Will it even grow to the extend that I wish I never knew u!

3rd day in roadshow

Had a dream that almost made me tears... I wish i could forget that dream but i suppose can't..

3 days in the roadshow and my sales really cannot make it... Last in sales 3 days straight... All the customers are all just playing pranks with me... Everyone is selling shoes but i didn't get any when in peak hour... ha joke.. Even somehow i try, it still the same...  I suppose the other time at NorthPoint was really all luck...  You can't always be the winner...

4 more days to go...

Saw a few people that i known while working, never ever thought of seeing them again but yet bump into them.. 1 of them, can't even recognize me....

The last person that i wanna invite for my birthday celebration.... I'm still hesitating.... Pathetic me, still afraid... what should i do...